


What The Fuck Is That?

by Emono



Series: Emono Does The Things [9]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Animal Traits, Cloaca, Feline penis, First Time, Fluff, Hybrids, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, exploring each others genitals basically while trying to have a good time, they love each other and you can tell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:31:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7575817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emono/pseuds/Emono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael, Ryan, and Gavin finally got together. Months of dancing around each other to fall into bed. It was supposed to be a hot, passionate, whirlwind of a night. But it dissolves quickly into fumbling as they realize they have a lot of different parts that don't exactly mesh. They do their best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What The Fuck Is That?

**Check out my[writing ](http://emono-omae.tumblr.com/post/145294222646/rtah-drabble-commissions)on tumblr**

 

* * *

 

 

Getting a crush? Easy. Deciding it was love? Difficult. Actually getting together? A huge pain in the fucking _ass_.

 

Michael, Gavin, and Ryan danced around each other like they’d been trained to do it. They flirted and let touches lingered and did their best not to pair off and exclude a third. Every attempt to talk about their feelings seemed to always take a bad turn, including a minor fire and a fender bender. They’d nearly blown the whole affair a handful of times just by being their idiot selves. It had taken months of courting and weeks of going on dates to get to this point.

 

They had all agreed they wanted sex out of this new, weird relationship and they found each other _blazing_ hot. They could hardly keep their hands and mouths off each other at the office and it was impossible when they were alone. They all had possessive instincts when it came to mating and drastic clash of hybrid blood was hard to get past at first. They had to learn to be possessive _together_.

 

They were all aggressive by nature but somehow it balanced. Ryan was a solid and grounding presence among his two high strung boyfriends. Michael managed to be both fiery and calming, a soothing cuddle buddy that could disarm the others’ tempers. It paired well (though sometimes comically) with Gavin’s natural high energy and overt affection.

 

It worked. They made it work.

 

They were a whirlwind tearing through Ryan’s house, tearing off clothes and kicking away shoes. Ryan kept pushing the Lads up against walls and dragging his teeth over their throats, palming plump cheeks through jeans just to get a feel of the unexplored territory. Michael’s tail whipped in the air as he kept touching Ryan’s sensitive horns. As small as the curves were they seemed to be linked directly to his dick. They rubbed and pawed at each other, lips swollen from kisses and bites as they made their way to the bedroom.

 

Michael pinned Gavin against the wall and shoved a thigh between his boy’s legs, pressing and grinding as they kissed. Caramel colored wings fluttered and feathers shook loose as pleasure flooded through the bird hybrid. Ryan had to take them by the belts and drag them the rest of the way to the bedroom. He had the biggest bed and it was the perfect, neat space to start their new sex life.

 

Except it wasn’t.

 

Gavin had the fly of Michael’s pants pulled open, brow furrowed in uncertainty as little confused noises bubbled past his lips.

 

Michael flushed and flashed his fangs, embarrassment mixing with agitation. “What, asshole? Never seen cat junk before?”

 

“No,” Gavin replied in soft honesty. Michael’s cock was more different than any dick he’d ever seen. It had a bulb at the base peppered with ivory barbs and the shaft narrowed as it went up, the length cherry red and angry. It was the sharp looking nubs that scared him. “Are those…?”

 

“Barbs?” Ryan finished, shedding his boxers and letting his cock flop out. “Huh. I didn’t expect your feline blood to be that strong.”

 

Michael went to shoot him a glare but his eyes went wide, mouth dropping open. “What. The _fuck_ . Is _that_?”

 

Gavin turned on his knees and squawked, wings rattling loudly in surprise. They openly stared at Ryan’s thick dick and heavy balls. Neither of them had ever seen someone so big outside of porn. Their third was hard and ready yet the shaft hung under its own weight, standing up only half way.

 

“That thing is _way_ too big,” Michael bitched with an accusatory finger stab in the bull hybrid’s direction. “It’s going to rip me in two and not in the awesome way but in the fucking _hospital_ way. You never said you were packing _that_ kind of heat!”

 

“Well, _you_ never said you had barbs.”

 

“ _Well_ ,” Michael mocked. “You can stick to handjobs, buddy.”

 

“Er, double handjobs,” Gavin observed with a nervous giggle. “One hand isn’t going to do it, boy.”

 

They both looked at Gavin and the Brit barely had time to squeak before he was tackle against the headboard. His wings shivered as two sets of strong hands pulled off his tight pants and boxers. The two stared between Gavin’s legs with open mouths and curious eyes. Thick golden curls were where his cock would have been and below that was a hole. Shiny and pink, pretty but out of place. Ryan took one of Gavin’s thighs in his palm and lifted the Lad up so they could see it all. No puckering rim, no clit, just smooth muscle and shiny slick.

 

“Oh!” Ryan said suddenly, breaking into a smile. “You have a cloaca! I guess the three of us have some heavy handed hybrid DNA.”  


Michael made the same kind of awed noise. “Shit, I’ve never seen one before.”

 

Gavin’s blush felt like a burn across his cheeks and up into the tips of his ears. “I-Is that weird?”

 

“No weirder than me or Ryan’s log dick,” Michael snorted.

 

Ryan flushed and huffed through his nose. “It’s not that big!”

 

“Bull-fucking-shit!”

 

They all still felt the burn of arousal so Ryan relented. “Maybe we should look it up?”

 

Michael crawled over Gavin’s legs and set the bull hybrid with a challenging glare. “I don’t need Google to tell me how to fuck my cross hybrid boyfriends.”

 

Ryan had to commend Michael on his determination. The feline Lad took the lube out from under the pillow (his sense of smell was that fine tuned) and slicked his hands, taking Ryan’s cock in both hands and laying his mouth over the head with confidence. Ryan shook and moaned under Michael’s talented tongue and soft lips, squirming and balling his hands up in the sheets as he tried not to move too much. Smooth hands cupped his balls and the suction was heavenly.

 

But it only worked for a few minutes and a couple inches.

 

Michael pulled off his boyfriend’s cock with a whine, hand rubbing over his aching mouth. He gave Ryan an apologetic look and stretched out his jaw. “Okay, that handjob statement still stands.”

 

Ryan huffed sympathetically and pet through messy cinnamon curls. “Sorry guys. I actually should have brought the sleeve I use-”

 

“You have a fleshlight?” Gavin chirped, excited and curious about how such a massive dick actually got enough stimulation to come.

 

“It’s a very fancy fleshlight,” Ryan deadpanned.

 

Michael rounded on Gavin with a cattish grin, tiny fangs poking out from swollen lips. “Your turn, boy.”

 

“Wait, Michael-”

 

Gavin’s protest dissolved into a shuddering moan as Michael grabbed his hips and slid close, taking his mouth in a possessive kiss that hit all the right buttons in his animal brain. He swooned in submission, pawing weakly at Michael’s shoulders and as the feline claimed his mouth. Biting kisses trailed down his neck and Gavin let out a stuttering coo as fingers slid up to toy with his nipples. The stiff peaks got rough little licks on Michael’s way down, fangs finding the lines of his boy’s hips and marking them up.

 

Gavin was dripping by the time Michael got down between his thighs. His hole was glistening and Michael wet his lips hungrily, nose twitching at the clean smell. He’d expected musk, sweat, but Gavin smelled like warm cotton. Michael nuzzled the golden curls above the hole and hummed at how soft they were compared to the prickly hair on Gavin’s chest.

 

“My boy,” Michael murmured sweetly before he started peppering kisses around the delicate looking hole. It was tight but _fluttery_. He couldn’t help but think of it as pretty as he bussed his lips against it. Smooth, sleek - he had to taste. Gavin’s stream of soft, pleased noises took a harsher turn as Michael licked at the edges of the hole. The second Michael licked inside, Gavin shrieked and kicked him in the shoulder. The solid pain shot through Michael’s chest and pulled back with a loud hiss, the other hybrid scrambling away towards Ryan’s side.

 

“That bloody hurt, you prick!” Gavin barked, thighs pressed tight and hands rubbing between them. “Your tongue is rough as all hell!”

 

Michael ran his tongue over his teeth and realized the heavy drag probably didn’t feel good on something as overly sensitive as a cloaca. A dick could take it but that that little hole looked chock full of nerve endings. “You fucking birds. You can’t take a little pain. What if I use my fingers?”

 

Gavin visibly winced. “No! No, that’s much worse. It’s not...meant for that. Especially if you don’t know how it’s all built and stuff.”

 

“I’m sorry if I’m not a fucking expert on cochleas.”

 

“Cloacas,” Ryan corrected.

 

“Whatever.” Michael saw his boy’s shining eyes and his russet ears flattened against the bush of his hair in shame. He cleared his throat and when he spoke his voice was much more tender. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, boy. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated. I’ve got blue balls here and I keep messing up.”

 

Gavin sighed and pulled the feline in by his arm, kissing him gently and making a little noise in the back of his throat. They kissed and nuzzled each other under their boyfriend’s adoring gaze, leaving their scents behind and rubbing up against each others thighs.

 

Gavin heard the purr from his boy and an idea hit him. “Want me to try and help you out, love?”

 

Michael spread his knees and leaned back on his hands, fangs grazing over his lower lip. “Go for it.”

 

Feeling bold, Gavin curled his fingers around the short cock and started to pump. It was so wet from pre he didn’t even need to grab the lube. The Brit could feel Ryan’s hands rubbing encouragingly over his back and he chirped happily, gaining confidence at the touch and the sound of Michael’s quiet moans. He watched those freckled hips twitched and he felt his own arousal flicker back to life.

 

Then his fingers brushed the cluster of barbs at the base of Michael’s cock and they both hissed.

 

“Don’t,” Michael grit out, lip drawn back in a snarl.

 

Gavin flustered, feathers puffing up. “It’s not like I have a lot of room to work!”

 

“You calling my dick small?”

 

“I’m calling it bloody _complicated_.”

 

“And you’re _not_?!”

 

“Boys,” Ryan eased.

 

Gavin kept pumping the slick, red cock out of pure spite but his fingers kept knocking against the barb-speckled bulb. It wasn’t a whole lot of length to play with and his hands weren’t exactly small. They could only stand a few minutes of cursing and failing before Michael finally threw in the metaphorical towel and pulled away.

 

“You know what?” he snapped, scooting back. “Count me the fuck out tonight. I’m tired and I’m just going to get myself off and sleep. You guys fucking give it a shot. I’ll be over here with my apparently stupidly specific cat dick.”

 

“More like stupidly prickly,” Gavin muttered, getting a glare. “Fine!”

 

Ryan and Gavin stared in pure fascination as Michael easily bent down and moved his leg to lick _his own dick._ It was the strangest and most erotic thing either of them had seen, and so damn _casual_. They both took a mental note on how bendy Michael was for later.

 

The new throb in his groin made Gavin even more pouty. He felt like the whole night was a total disaster and somehow he’d failed his boyfriends. Ryan could see the tension rolling off his little avian mate and he grabbed him around the waist to drag him into his lap with effortless strength. Gavin shivered and flexed his wings low and out of the way, leaning back into Ryan’s chest as they watched Michael’s glossy eyes and heavy licks.

 

“Maybe this isn’t so bad for our first time,” Ryan said quietly, chin resting on the Lad’s shoulder. “Could be worse.” Gavin chirped and he gave the boy a few throat kisses, savoring the heat against his mouth. “How about you touch yourself for me so I can see what you really like?”

 

Gavin chewed his lip before he turned his head and brushed a chaste kiss over his boyfriend’s mouth. “Can...I ride your thigh?”

 

Ryan smiled at the shy little voice that came out of his usually loud bird. He used his grip on those lithe hips and practically picked Gavin up, getting a laugh as he turned him around to straddle his thigh. They hugged tight together, warm flesh pressing in all the right ways. Gavin sighed in pleasure as he rubbed himself against the thick, silky hair and strapping muscle. Ryan’s hybrid biology gave him a natural bulkiness and his thigh was the perfect width to just spread and _press_. He ground his hips and a blissed out whimper escaped him as his hole got the stimulation it needed. Precise points like fingers and dicks felt so invasive among the concentrated bundles of nerves but something so broad felt amazing.

 

Gavin wrapped his arms around Ryan and buried his face in his throat, riding him with smooth hip swivels that sent little bolts of pleasure straight up to his thumping heart. Ryan splayed a hand along the dip of his boyfriend’s back and helped him move, cheeks red and dick throbbing at the sight and smell of both his mates. He started palming his thick cock, managing to get a handful of lube without moving too much so he could spread it along the massive length. Usually he had both his hands or his expensive sleeve to fuck but it was just as good to pump under the receptive head of his cock while watching Gavin get lost in a sudden rush of desire.

 

Ryan’s breath hitched as he watched Michael curl up tight on himself and shudder all over, mewing so tenderly that it made his heart throb as much as his cock. Muscles played wildly beneath Michael’s skin as his climax overtook him and the full body flush accentuated the freckles across his shoulder blades.

 

Gavin choked on a cry as he heard Michael’s candy sweet noise and his hips picked up their pace, fingers digging into Ryan’s skin. “Fuck, fuck, Rye you feel so fucking warm on me…”

 

Ryan dropped a covetous kiss on the Lad’s throat. “Take whatever you need, honey.”

 

Michael mewled more insistently and crawled over to them, rubbing his face along Gavin’s back and across Ryan’s free thigh. Gavin’s wing curled to bring Michael closer, panting and smiling at his boy as he felt the edge of his climax coming on. He took Michael’s hand and their fingers laced intimately, gazes full of honest devotion.

 

Michael kept that grip as he leaned over and swallowed the slick, fat head of Ryan’s needy cock. He bobbed his head in shallow motions along with Ryan’s hand and the pull made a puffy sound of delighted shock, fist striping faster over the most sensitive curve of his dick to chase his own lust.

 

Gavin’s wings shuddered and Ryan let out a low, long whine that was more a satisfied bellow. Michael sighed happily as warmth flooded his mouth, his dream of tasting Ryan coming true as seed spilled across his tongue and down his throat. He easily swallowed it all despite the copious amounts. It was starchy but pleasant and he kneaded the bed as he drank.

 

As Michael swallowed heat, Ryan grunted and heaved through his orgasm with a refreshing, cool wetness spreading across his thigh. With the way Gavin froze in a graceful, slack-jawed arch told him his bird had come.

 

“You two are fucking perfect,” Ryan panted, cupping the back of both their heads and digging his thumbs into their napes in silent possession. “Hot and really just fucking perfect? I’m seriously lucky. That was better than I’ve gotten off by myself in forever and it took half as long. What the fuck? _Wow_. Next time we’ll look up everything and we’ll make a plan.”

 

“You get mouthy after you come,” Michael teased, a tired laugh rattling in his chest as he butted up hard against Gavin. The bird flailed weakly before flopping over, pouting indignantly at the feline. Michael snickered before he started to purr, tongue darting out to lick up the pearly essence smeared across Ryan’s thigh. The Gent laced his fingers through his mate’s curls and pet him encouragingly, watching shamelessly as Michael licked up every drop. His skinny tail swished in contentment, hands back to instinctively kneading his nest.

 

Gavin smiled like a dope at the sight. He couldn’t be mad at his frisky little feline for even a moment when he did such beautiful things.

 

Michael lazily bit at the Gent’s thigh and yawned around the damp flesh. And just like that, they realized how tired they were. An early, long day at the office and the evening bike trip they’d taken as a date - it was all catching up to them.

 

“We’ll figure stuff out later,” Ryan promised, squeezing Michael’s nape before giving it a squeeze. “But right now it’s Lad bedtime.”

 

“Shower?” Gavin muttered, eyelids already heavy and body thrumming pleasantly.

 

“Fuck it,” Ryan stated firmly as he dragged them both up under their arms and tossed them on the pillows. Michael laughed and made grabby hands at him, Gavin meekly mimicking him. Ryan smiled fondly at his tired boys but took a moment to set an alarm for them so they could all shower before work and grab food.

 

Ryan got up and made a brief circle of the house to check that the doors were locked and the lights were off, grabbing two bottles of water in case any of them woke up thirsty. He dumped the bottles on the bed side table and admired the look of his Lads. The boys had cuddled up while he’d been gone, lazy kisses and caresses passing between them while their legs tangled up. It was adorable and he didn’t want to break them up but he wanted between them.

 

“Make some room, brats.”

 

The boys beamed at him with tired eyes and moved aside to let him crawl between them. They cuddled up to each side of him and curled around him, twin hums filling the air as Ryan wrapped his arms around them. Michael’s purr sent gentle vibrations through his boyfriends and his curls were pet, thin fingers dancing over his thigh. Ryan caught a russet kitten ear between his fingers and rubbed until he felt Michael melt against him.

 

“Rye,” Michael breathed out, lashes drooping.

 

Ryan turned his head and pressed a kiss to Gavin’s wild hair, snuffing at the down feathers mixed into the golden locks. The avian’s wings were comfortably folded and tucked out of the way to rest on the bed. Ryan rested a hand on the high arch of the appendage and it pushed into his palm, seeking him. Gavin cooed like the sweet dove that he was and Ryan gently massaged the curve, making him melt just as well as their kitten.

 

“I love you guys,” Ryan confessed, heart up in his throat.

 

Airy, heartfelt confessions met his ears as the boys rode the quiet comfort of his touch.

 

They’d figure all this out together, Ryan just knew it. And when they did, the sex would be mind blowing.

 

“We’re never going to be able to get out of bed once we start really going.”

 

Michael batted at his chest. “What do you not understand about bedtime, old man?”

  


 


End file.
